i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
