if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
