somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
