Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
