Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
