Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
