Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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