apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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