My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
