I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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