I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
