i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
