I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
