don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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