If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
