Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
