my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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