It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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