Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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