the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
