just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
