Say something about gay babies.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
