R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
