I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
