well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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