hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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