the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
