Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
