we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
