I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
