Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
