U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
