Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
