I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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