hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
