Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
