he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Green mimosas i think yes
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
