did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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