It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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