a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
