hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Enjoy the penises
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
