Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
