Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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