there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You ruined the universe
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
