i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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