Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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