I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
