OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
