Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
