my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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