honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
