You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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