I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
