He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
