ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
