My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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