Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
