Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
