Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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