You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
