I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's blow job season.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
