The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
