i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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