i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
