I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
