I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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