onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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